Conscientious women who seek a longterm relationship with a man look for solidity of character. Such a man has a natural vulnerability attached to his confidence and integrity. Being authentic rather than ‘fake’ is vital for a worthwhile relationship to flourish. Virtuous women desire a man with upstanding qualities who won’t play games. Hence, similar attributes are sought by such men when looking for a good woman. Possessing confidence, openness, and self-reliance is of upmost importance. Because we are only human, such attributes cannot be severed from vulnerability.
Women are Intuitively Wise
A woman can tell through your unconscious body language and non-verbal communication whether you are decent enough to date. This is often subconscious, meaning she may not realize it immediately, but her instinctual radar alerts her of your true state.
Men can also be intuitive. It works both ways, especially if you are consciously aware and in tune with your soul.
Nevertheless, women have a natural inclination to be more in touch with their feelings and emotions. It has been discovered by psychologists and cognitive researchers that women tend to use both sides of their brain more often than men—meaning they switch between right and left hemispheres more rapidly. This is due to more interconnections between the two:
By analyzing the MRIs of 949 people aged 8 to 22, scientists at the University of Pennsylvania found that male brains have more connections within each hemisphere, while female brains are more interconnected between hemispheres. Source
The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body, and is the house of emotions, creativity, art and more eccentric traits. Likewise the left brain is the seat of your logic and scientific thinking. It controls the right side of your body but behaves in a logic way. We need both cognitive hemispheres to function wholly.
I Always Listen to My Gut
I pick up on women’s subtle cues by paying attention to how I feel. I am intuitive by nature. Everyone is unique. We should view people as individuals rather than labelling through cookie-cutter stereotypes such as gender, economic background, education, etc. It’s amazing what you learn about a specific person once you get to know them. There’s so much that people perceive about others and the world around them, but this information is not always shared.
Concerning the ways in which I interpret signals from the women I court or date, lots of it comes from what my gut tells me. I never discount the subtle insights and sensations I experience when in the presence of someone else, whether I am attracted to them or not. Thus the more I engage in conversations and interactions with women the better at this I become.
Deeply Vulnerable is Better Than Shallowly Safe
When you have integrity you will not cover up areas of yourself that otherwise should be exposed at the right time and place. In regards to starting a relationship with a woman you are interested in, much of your attraction comes from how you come across to her. Of course your physical chemistry and outward appearance are important, but your inward nature and overall character (as a man) will either make you or break you.
Vulnerability is critical to your grades of solidity and worth as a masculine man. Women find core integrity concerning your values and what you truly seek as a turn on, but player-like deception as a joke. Sure, there are shallow women out there who are not much different in their level of virtue than the men I refer to. However, if you seek a genuine, meaningful relationship that goes beyond a flirtatious fling, you need to have admirable, internal qualities.
Being honest about how you feel about her as the relationship progresses is vital. If you are afraid to show authentic feelings after about a month or two you can cause confusion as to how she interprets you, especially if she has already expressed her feelings toward you. Concerning how she interprets your true motives, this is case-by-case according to her subjective impression.
Depending on how your relationship flows, just go with your internal compass—if you naturally feel the urge to express feelings, then go ahead and do so. If you are eager to discuss something that hadn’t been mentioned yet, then bring it up.
Ongoing communication is foundational to a strong longterm relationship. A team effort with willingness to improve and grow together as individuals is the rest of this base. The reason solid communication is vital is because it cultivates accurate perception among the two. When one is deceived as to what the other intends or desires, negative feelings and insecurities abound.
It is always best to just say what you need to say, sort of like that song.
Love is a very vast and deep part of our lives here on Planet Earth. Love can uplift you on eagles wings, it can mend and heal. However, on the contrary its lack can hurt and bring you low. It’s been said, “Love is the most powerful force in the universe.”
When it comes to a relationship with a very special woman—or man for you women reading this—life is short. Don’t be afraid to give all without hesitation. There’s more grief in holding back from giving love when you have reservation than just getting it off your chest.
From Experience, Vulnerability Creates Stability
Every time I have been upfront and honest about my feelings for a person, it set the course for stability and peace in our relationship. Either I learned that the other person felt the same way, which caused a deeper connection between us, or it showed me the true mindset of the woman I was seeing. Overall, not hiding who you are and what you’re affection is can work wonders for clearing any confusion the two of you may have.
I have also learned that if something is bothering me about our relationship dynamic (i.e. afraid she’s seeing someone else or hiding something), it’s better to bring it to her attention at once. Even if texting at 0300 is the only option, with plans to talk in person, it’s better than covering it up and letting more time pass.
During these times when I felt the need to bring a concern to her attention, it allowed for the opportunity to show my affection for her. This always opened her eyes to my underlying character, or anything she did not understand yet about me. It breaks the ice, and even if you feel a little funny saying, “I really like you, _______.” Nonetheless, you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable at all being vulnerable, at least not if you’ve broken free from societal programming to wear a mask.
The overly cool man doesn’t want to take risks in the arena of being vulnerable. It’s sort of cowardly if you asked me. The courageously bold man, however, doesn’t care if it might appear strongly emotional or heartfelt—he just wants to get the message across.
Life Lessons Teach the Importance of Being Direct
Speaking from personal experience, my early days of dating taught me how important it is to be direct and to the point. Upon meeting a new person, I learned from the start that I should simply be ‘myself’ around her without putting on an act. Being direct is all about having clear intentions and desires about who I am and what I’m dating this person for, and being able to communicate this information effectively.
Openly talking about past relationships, if both of you feel led to during your conversations, is appropriate when the time is right. Again, always go with your gut. Listen and pay attention to the subtle cues and sensations you feel when interacting with this person. Even if talking through a text—pause before responding. Make sure you are clear and understandable to the other person.
After my first breakup, though it was hard of course, our relationship severed largely due to my sharing more specifically the intentions I had for our future. I wanted to marry her, and I was in the Marine Corps at the time, about to be commissioned as an officer and move to Virginia.
She didn’t want to move away. We were in New England at the time. She lived in Connecticut and I was in Massachusetts. Though our relationship only lasted about three months, had I not been direct about my vision the relationship would have carried on until our bond grew even more. This would have caused greater pain had the disagreeable events taken place down the road.
Vulnerability Protects You From Heartache
Perhaps you just met someone new, and have some red flags or confusion as to what the dynamic is with this person. “Does she have a boyfriend?” “Is she using me as fallback friend?” There are all kinds of scenarios and games that women play (men play games too). Truth is, if you don’t find out you’ll never have real peace. How can you move forward to the next level with this person if you can’t be yourself because some unsurety?
Whenever there is fogginess of confusion there is naturally insecurity. It’s normal to feel like this. You know as well as I do that the relationship cannot grow and expand if you are not feeling right about something.
You have to resolve this issue with her to find common ground—whatever the situation is. If this person is worthwhile, meaning they’re actually going to genuinely love you eventually, then they will want to talk about anything that needs attention. We know this innately, but it’s fear that stops us from showing our hidden layers.
Having Balance and Restriction When Necessary
Although I advocate being open and unfettered in your volition to quench issues before they get out of control, sometimes it’s best to just keep silent. This may sound confusing (after reading what I said above), but the ability to identify unique circumstances that require specific responses is the process of wisdom.
It all depends whether you should ‘rock the boat.’ For example, if you are dating someone who’s indoctrinated in the pool of millennial society, it may be profitable to let things ride somewhat. I’m not saying that you should never confront issues, but realize what the other person’s mindset is.
Many young people these days (since about 2001) have become desensitized to the traditional ways of exclusivity and commitment that are natural, longstanding parts of our human makeup. Many young people in the dating scene are very insecure and unsure what relationships are all about. They date numerous people at the same time, never realizing that it may be less romantic and more destructive. Thus much of their actions are based in peer norms of approval.