Although taking wise advice from experienced teachers in the dating and relationship realm has benefits, it can also derail your true course. I, like most of you, have had relationships that were either positive or negative memories. As a heterosexual man I have had my past heartaches and lessons learned from various women. The key to acquiring your heart’s desire is listening to the gut instincts within—forget listening to many dating coaches if what they say contradicts your inner compass.
You Are The Master Planner
Forget getting stumped and fooled by various winds of doctrine among the dating coaches. They’re all going to tell you different things. Though common knowledge exists, it is fundamental. Any reasonable person knows how to socialize in civilized society whether with family, friends, coworkers, or significant others.
When it comes to texting games, playing hard to get, avoiding to look needy, etc., these are conditioned responses that are largely due to the pop dating programming in our society. When people play games it simply means they are NOT sincere and usually lack integrity. On the contrary, those who actually have good moral character—usually because they’ve been through the mill—don’t play these stupid games because they (1) know what they want, and (2) aren’t afraid to let people know it.w
What Are You Looking For?
What do you want in a partner? Is it a temporary fling, a casual hookup, or a longterm relationship? We hear this all the time—“Be clear about what you want” among the dating coaches and gurus. However, we know this innately. Sure, dating coaches and relationship teachers have their place. They can help point us in the right direction by refreshing the notions of what we already know to be true inside.
If you want a certain type of partner with specific qualities or low baggage levels, many will tell you to stand firm and cancel your relationship with this person if they don’t fit the criteria. However, this is easier said than done.
Let’s be honest, you and I are good natured people. We don’t want to hurt anyone. We believe in personal transformation and self-potential, don’t we? It would bother us to destroy the possibility of a potentially beautiful relationship that may need some time and nourishment to bloom.
A Good Partner Sees Potential and Keeps Good Faith
It has been said that a good man will see a woman with imperfections, but still have interest in her because he sees what she can become, given a little time and restoration. Does a good farmer or gardener immediately pull a plant from its roots to discard it due to suffering from past malnourishment or neglect? Absolutely not! She will attempt to salvage it by providing whatever it needs for proper growth and repair.
The same can be said with new relationships. There are countless dating coaches out there teaching greed. They say to simply dump the person at once because they fail to hit the checkboxes on your list. Whatever happened to the human psychological factor? We all have vulnerabilities and imperfections.
I recently read an article by a well-known relationship expert who actually gave good advice. He said the reason you see so many single people who get older without meeting someone is because they have a self-image that is unrealistically high—they are looking for mere perfection in a partner with all the desired qualities. I am not saying lower your standards in lieu of what you seek, but we must be reasonable concerning a sought-out partner.
The Culture of Relationship Advice ‘Junkies’
I have seen a semi-disaster in our culture today concerning the dating scene and its so-called ‘professional advisors.’ There are many people who cling to such counselors like glue to the point of dependency. Having a crutch toward your coaches as a ‘relationship junkie’ is unfortunately a sign of insecurity.
So many people don’t know who they are, what they want, or what they believe in about life for that matter. Without identifying to0 heavily the reasons for this (pop culture, educational systems, Hollywood, bad parenting, etc.), the dating advice industry is alive with a constant influx of emotionally wounded individuals looking for relief.
Fresh Start: Just Be Honest
The key to beginning a new relationship approach, regardless of past traumas, is to simply be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want. This might require getting away in nature for a little while to really contemplate and get in touch with your inward thoughts. You have to find your life purpose more deeply, at least in the realm of relationships.
Once you are fortified in a solid self-concept you can safely project that onto others. This is not playing games nor a form of insincerity; rather it’s the opposite. It’s about standing firm in your integrity as a unique individual. You are a human with relationship needs—from platonic friendships, companionship, to deep love and sex. Just be honest with yourself. Life is too short to make pretend.
I value integrity, honesty, and the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you). If everyone lived this way there would be no childish games nor aftermath leading to heartache, lost opportunities, or resentment. Sure, opening up to a new person requires vulnerability, challenge, and somewhat of a hunting game—this is enjoyable if both parties are honest and without deceit.
Thus much relationship confusion and turbulence is the result of miscommunication and lack of transparency. Such negativities are the result of fear.
Furthermore, do not EVER be afraid to accept how you truly feel concerning another person or scenario. If something ‘icky’ is brewing between you and someone you’re dating, you are only going to hurt yourself by letting time pass with the issue unaddressed. Don’t be afraid to rock the boat. After all, you are steering this ship.